And life just keeps rolling along...

All the changes...

Around the house:
Josh decided to not work so much extra this month-YAY! He'll actually be home sometimes. And I think he quit working at the Deadwood Pharmacy all together and told them we're moving. He is going to look into working relief work at the travelling pharmacy agency that he wants to eventually maybe work full time for.
We got a storage unit. Another big giant YAY! We can finally free up the house. I'll be able to breathe again. Of course there is complete chaos right now while I'm packing and organizing but its livable knowing that order will come of it.

ZoraJane:
Did I tell you Zi is walking. She really started taking off at about nine months. She never really did the pulling herself up on an object and walking around it. She started out in the middle of the floor and stood up from a squat. She plays while squatting too. I figure because its how she was birthed into this world.
Zi is also going to bed a new way. She used to be rocked and nursed. Now she prefers to lie in bed and fall asleep-sometimes while nursing sometimes just cuddled.
What else is new with Zi...she plays by herself more, singing and grunting to whatever she is playing with. She has two bottom teeth and I think more are coming in. She still doesn't eat a whole lot of solid foods still prefering to nurse. She thinks dropping things is funny-especially when we pick them up for her. She plays peek-a-boo with people but she figured it out on her own because I don't think we taught her that.

Adeline:
...is playing lots with Webkinz lately-she figured out there are "chat" rooms. She spends a lot of time on there-sometimes with her friend Madi. She's also busy doing recolors with paint-usually of sonic characters, though she's ventured into doing some fairies as well. She's also been emailing a little with friends. I like that she can still be social when we're stuck in the house because of snow and cold.
She's going to take fencing lessons in March. And hopefully she'll get to visit her IN family for a couple weeks in February. She's been learning more about money and I've let her walk down to the store by herself to spend it. We got her some second hand ice skates so she's been able to try them out a couple times. I got some neat history books that incorporate recipes and crafts from that time period-real hands on stuff. I'm looking forward to trying those out with her along with general cooking too-Her grandma got her a really awesome cupcake decorating cookbook that we've experimented with a little.

Friends:
My good friend finally left her abusive boyfriend. Yay! Now that he's not controlling her time she's able to hang out more with us. She already looks so much better and her kids are so happy now. The idiot threatened to commit suicide in front of her and the kids when she told him she was leaving. Even more idiotic is that that morning he told her he wanted her to leave (not the first time he's threatened to kick her out). She's no longer playing the role of vicitm-she's getting back to her old wonderful, independant, outgoing, friendly, happy, motivated, self and it shows.
I've reconnected with some friends on Facebook. Can't really say re-connected though because most of them haven't really particiated in any communication. Its wierd. I originally wasn't going to do anything with FB. Then I did a virtual nurse-in with some of my fellow lactivists. While there I started adding friends and got friend requests and it snowballed into suddenly having all these people from my college days as friends. IWU was a lifetime ago. I'm still very much the same but different too. Our lives are in different places which hasn't stopped the friendships I've maintained with some people-like blosser and jeremy (both from the jeremy and jeremy show) But I'm not sure how much energy most the others want to put into an actual friendship. I can get along with most people and find some kind of common ground (back then alot of it was music) so I'll leave the ball in their court...

Me:
I'm growing another human. Its still way way early though (like 6 weeks) so I'm not offically announcing or anything because it could still go away. Not super excited but I'm not disapointed either. I'm not afraid of having two young babies but not looking forward to yuks, exhaustion, , or discomfort while caring for an already baby-but who knows things could be different this time-at least it'll be warm and I can get out and walk. And the Joshism-when Wood Magazine called Josh to see if he wanted to renew, he told me he declined becuase apparently his wood is working just fine...
*Update* It looks like it might be going away-not sure yet. I've been horribly sick with a stomach bug and got dehydrated and stressed in general. I have to say that if I have to be sick during (and becasue of) pregnancy I do not want Zi to be so young-I just can't take care of all of us when I'm sick. So I'm not disapointed (too much) if it is going away. 1/31/09 still not sure-it seems to be holding on

Upcoming travel...
Josh is planning on going to a silent retreat in March-that's so cool. I'm obviously not going-can't imagine the kiddos being silent. but maybe we'll do something else fun-mabye we'll go visit Liz nad Mirabelle since Justin will be off to the war again :(
In May we're going to Vancouver, WA to the LIFE is Good Unschooling conference. Triple Yay, Yay, Yay!
February 2 we're going to Hill City for our annual celebration there of Josh's birth. MMMM-delicious german potato salad and divine dessert-followed by a fun visit to the dino museum and restocking our wine rack with fabulous prairie berry wine.

Change is good. Family is good. Friends are good. Life is good.

christmas gifting

I already had the way cool black with sparkles mixer but J got me an ice cream maker attachment and a Ben and Jerry's ice cream cookbook. Adeline got a flip video camera so she can explore her movie making skills. I bought myself a sweet hello kitty sewing machine-which is actually, according to reviews, still a really well built machine Since wrapping bacon seemed like a bad idea, I opted to decorate a box all bacon themed and throw in the cute toys that came with the Bacon of the Month welcome kit. Zi didn't get much (from us) because like the video shows she's already an unschooler who makes toys out of non-toys. It's long but not near as long as how long she actually played with this stuff-which is hours in baby time. BTW this was made w/ Ad's flip. (which I'll get posted just as soon as Adeline has a moment to teach me how to do it)****can't do it-grr. anyway she's playing with spoons and a box while toys are strewn about the floor. She's singing or growling at them, banging them, walking with them (or maybe dancing). Its cute-maybe someday I'll figure out how to post vid.

Welcome 2009

An even bigger shift in my reality

I'm looking back at my previous posts and noticing how much I've evolved. Every day provides me with ways to grow. Everyday my reality is much kinder, joyful, and "awe"some. Not only with how I feel about myself and treat my kids but how I just feel in general for everyone else. Resentment, fear, anger, cynicism is all being replaced by something biggr and brighter.
Last night Adeline informed me that her papa and kelly don't think I'm doing a good job "teaching" her. There was only a slight twinge of sadness in myself-but mostly because I saw the hurt it was causing her. Later I just let my love flow for them-so real that my chest warmed. Instead of reacting I tried to see it from their perspective. They don't yet understand unschooling or trust Adeline to learn in a way that doesn't look like public schooled kids. But that's just it, they don't understand it yet. So I sent them love and I'm sending them books and websites and a "progress" report of all that Adeline IS learning. And I didn't let it get to me.
I am there for Adeline to let her feel the sadness and confusion and work out how to resolve it in herself. I was there to let her know that their mistrust in me didn't make me angry or upset-that they would soon come to realize how wonderful and beautiful she is just the way she is and that she is learning so much from life and I'm learning so much from her. I offered to help her show them what it means to be an unschooler and to love unconditionally. I hope they are open to it but I can't change their reality, I can only offer to show them how I've changed mine. In the meantime I want to continue putting into practice the things I've learned about loving unconditionally and trusting my child(ren) to learn.

A shift in my reality

Yeah, I think I'm done with the New Years bashes-at least in their current form. Those of you following the blog know I've been "desperate" to include the kids in the party. This year Adeline, her friend Madi, and ZoraJane attended the party (cousin Mirabelle too but she's still pretty young and doesn't "do" a whole lot). I expected most the people to stay at the house til about midnight when the ball drops-that's what usually happens with a few exceptions when none of us had any parental responsibility so we were downtown most the evening into the wee hours. So I spent the day preparing food, setting up a nice buffet, making cupcakes with Adeline, and cleaning. Its something I enjoy doing. I like entertaining and I like preparing for gatherings at the house. I drank some wine, we ate, opened some presents and played wii. And then everyone took off for downtown at about 9:30. I was the only adult with two ten yr olds and a 9 mo old. Not a bad thing but with no one to talk to (the older girls wanted to be by themselves and the baby wanted to sleep) my chatty inducing wine buzz turned into a sleep inducing wine downer. Finally 11:30 rolled around and I dragged my boots and warm clothes on and we headed down to see the ball drop. Even though I was tired and Zi was a little cranky, I'm so glad the older girls still wanted to go. It was so worth it to see the delight on their cute little faces to be downtown at midnight in the crowd waiting to ring in the New Year. I wasn't angry or hurt that all the other adults left. In the past I would have been. This time instead of harboring bad feelings I tried to stay in alignment with the things I was so glad I got to experience. I wanted to be able to share the celebration with the kids and I got to-sadly for me the other adults weren't in alignment with what I wanted to do. But it really made me realize another reason I don't feel attached to this location. I no longer feel like we need to keep this house to throw parties since the people that come to the parties here prefer to be downtown. They don't even need the beds, couches, or floor space to crash on since this year everyone got a really cool 'apartment' downtown.
If I didn't have kids I might be more inclined to spend more time hanging with the others at the bars and casinos-I have in the past and totally enjoyed myself. Its fun to go out on the town with my man but I don't have that option right now so I'd like to be able to do what works for me-simultaneous time with my man, our friends, our family, and our kids. Its a little disapointing that again tonight everyone has opted to go out again instead of spend any time at the house-and the few minutes we did get to spend with the adults weren't very quality since zi no longer enjoys eating out, what with the being confined when wanting to explore plus it being her nap time. I was also really tired and wanted to just be home in my pj's. Thankfully April was able to visit this afternoon so I did get some quality visiting time while the kids played. In fact its been April who has provided me some much desired companionship when I've felt left out in the past. Its interesting to be aware of my reality shift. I no longer feel icky when getting "stuck" with the kids because I'd prefer to be with them. And I no longer resent the adults who leave me with them beacause more and more I'm finding people who enjoy being with kids too. I'm looking forward to the parites I can have with adults who want to celebrate with the kids. In the meantime I'm goona try more to get as much quality extended family time when the family is together-like hopefully tomorrow before they go back home.