Pastries: I've been craving a custard filled roll but haven't been able to satisfy it...
Balls: Yesterday was so nice that I worked in the back garden. I combined two small gardens into one and now it looks like a penis complete with balls. We're going to fill it with herbs.
Wheels: Seriously considering going of the road full or most the time. Looking into coverted busses. Its the kind of lifestyle we're perfect for.
I decided I want a Rav4 with third row seating. Sure a mini van would be a great kind of car for us but I just can't bring myself to own one. Now we have to find out if its towable-for when we go on the road.
Feelings: Yes, feelings roll. And they've been rolling right through me. I'm practicing letting myself feel. Instead of burying the icky feelings I'm letting them come, and letting them go. Some are still stuck but its getting easier to let them on by. Its even hard for me to express wonderful excitement-don't know why that is-don't really want to figure out why. I feel more free because I feel.
Books: Don't really roll but I have some thoughts rolling through my head concerning the books I've been reading. First, I'm totally stoked that I'm allowing time to read-figure I better absorb as much written word as I can before a new newborn rolls into our lives in September. Anyway...Here'a the books and thoughts...
*Twilight*, yep I've jumped on the Twilight bandwagon and read the first two books and the next two are being shipped (as of 4:38:52 pm yesterday were in Lexington, KY). The story is is great. The mythos of these vampire is fun-I like that some of the classics are kept like vampires and werewolves still as enemies but even thats a fun twist because according to New Moon the werewolves exist to kill vampires. But I both hate and love the characters. Bella seems all independant and witty but then gets all damsal in distress all the time, overly clumsy, and stupidly obsessed-to the point of not being able to live without her dear Edward-and when he goes away she just substitutes Jacob for him. Adeline is reading them too and I'm glad we can talk about how that is not an appropriate role model for happiness or love. Its almost disgusting-maybe it would be better if it were more magical or something, I don't know, it drives me crazy-plus its way too sappy. And the author really shouldn't write a 600 page book because she has a very limited vocabulary and dialogue. And she has no talent for foreshadowing. Yet I find myself still intrigued by them-the movie was so much better and oddly the characters in the movie are a little more 3 dimensional.
*Pippi Longstocking*-now there is a role model. I love the dialogue about multiplication since Adeline is facing some similar issues with her papa and step ma. Adeline digs it too and I hope she can connect with her-but even if she's only entertained I'll be happy she enjoys it.
*Some RV books*-I might expand on that more when we know more about where we're headed with that one.
*Things Are Going Great in my Absence: How to let go and let the Divine do the heavy lifting*: Its an experience. Its the arc of my spiritual journey-not that I'm going downhill now-this one just really hit home and I feel like I don't need any other outside influence after it. I still enjoy listening to the Abraham/Hicks audio's because its along the same lines. But I don't care to read any more spiritual stuff-maybe to learn about them but not to learn from them. J has really embraced it too-well actually before me. He came back from his meditation retreat all giggly. It was a little uncomfortable because I was still (and still am) learning to let the feelings roll through me and he was all unstuck. Like I said I have trouble even showing the good feelings. I'll have to write a bigger blog about all that later-but I'm keeping to the rolling theme here...
*How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of your Doctor*-good book, its not really telling me anything new at this point though so I might gift it to someone else.
*Immersion Travel* J got it for my bday. Its loaded with short term volunteer and learning experiences all over the US. Its exciting to see all that is offered. We're gonna love this lifestyle!
that's it for the books for now...
Rolls of fat: are disappearing from Zi's legs. She's been walking since 9 months but until recently its been limited to the house. But with all the awesome warm weather we've been having we've been able to le her run free in the parks and to an extent the neighborhood.
Belly: its getting bigger-not yet to the point where I have to literally roll out of bed.
More balls and other playthings: not the aforementioned kind of balls. Zi likes throwing them-she plays fetch by herself-speaking of fetch we're getting a dog. And we're taking up disc golf. And hopefully we win that travel channel golf vacation to hawaii-not that I've ever golfed, I just want to go to Hawaii-its been my dream to be on a warm ocean beach with a big preggy belly.
Rain:its rolling in now-no park today- but its better than snow.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Pregnancy
Here's some entries that I would put in a Pregnancy Journal if I kept one. And since I didn't keep one for any pregnancy I thought I'd do some comparing too-although I'm a little fuzzy on much of the details of Adeline's time in the womb. I used some of the questions from the First Born questionaire that was going around for awhile.
Birthdates:
Adeline- 10/24/98
ZoraJane- 4/4/08
Fitz- will be sometime in September of 09
Were they planned and was I married:
Only Zi was planned-for two whole years! Yes I was married for all of them-I'll leave it up to whomever to figure out if it was a legal marriage or not.
How I found out and who I told:
Adeline-I was trying to get put on birth control. I had the exam at the IWU clinic that didn't have doctors and since it was the weekend one couldn't prescribe the pills. I got my period that weekend so I had to wait a month to try again. After the month I went into the clinic, they gave me a pee pregnancy test which came back fuzzy so they ordered a blood test which, suprise! came back positive. I cried-I wasn't ready to be a mom. I walked to E's work right away, crying the whole time, and told him. We went to the library and checked out what I now believe is the worst pregnancy book ever-What to Expect When You're Expecting
ZoraJane- After two years of trying and a couple miscarriages I knew before I conceived that that would be the month it would happen. With a little more knowledge about ovulation and the cycle I took a pee test and joy of joys it was positive. I didn't tell Adeline, but she was in the next room and when I came out she looked at me suspiciously and said, "You look different."
Fitz- Zi was 9 months, still breastfeeding and my periods were not regular. I'd been feeling a little icky for about a week so I bought a Preg test while I was getting groceries. Adeline was hanging out with our friends and I took it there to take the test. It was positive. So April, her daughter Madi and Adeline knew first. Afterward went to Kmart and asked Josh if he was ready to do this again-he wasn't suprised though.
Feelings about the pregnancy:
Adeline- Didn't want to be a mom. Didn't want to be domestic. But still in awe of the life growing inside. Toward the end though I just wanted her out of there so I could have my body back.
ZoraJane- I'd grown into motherhood and domesticity. I was ready for a new baby and a new life to enter our family unit. A little nervous about not getting the natural home birth experience that I wanted.
Fitz- Surprised. Not yet ready to be pregnant again or have another human to care for. But its growing on me. A little nervous about labor and what to do with Zi, but expecting as wonderful experience as with Zi.
Was abortion an option:
Adeline: Don't know if it was a legal option in the state of IN at the time but it was a consideration-along with adoption. Even though I was married I really was scared to be a mom at that moment in time.
ZoraJane and Fitz-not really an issue for me this time.
Symptoms:
Adeline- About a week of yuckys in the evenings during the first trimester. My hips hurt when I vacuumed-wierd thing to remember. I was more creative. I couldn't sleep much at night but slept too much during the day. Like 70lb. weight gain. At the way end high blood pressure and extreme swelling.
ZoraJane-Very hungry at first. Then very yucky and fatigued all day every day for about 3-4 months-I called it chinese water torture. After that I felt lots of stretching of my uterus and tendons and muscles. At the way end again with the high blood pressure and extreme swelling. Only about 30lb. weight gain. Snoring started ??? and that's when Josh started sleeping in the basement and didn't show up in our bed til she was a few months old. But Adeline didn't mind the snoring-she started sleeping with me when he didn't so I wasn't totally lonely.
Fitz- hungry, then nausea and fatigue but not as bad or as long with ZoraJane. I didn't start to show until about 18 wks (I'm now 20wks). And I don't feel any stretching or other physical symptoms.
Cravings:
Adeline- I cliked ketchup for the first time in my life. I ate lots of pasta but don't remember if that was a craving or just what we could afford. I craved McDonald's fry's. I became disgusted by Americanized Chinese food.
ZoraJane- At first it was very specific and always different. Then I hated food of any kind except maybe occasionally muffins and pumpkin loaf with milk. Cheerios. Didn't like Subway or the smell of it.
Fitz- Again with the specifics though at first it was lots of milk and carbs. I ate Rice chex for practically every meal for awhile. Again with the bready things during the yuks. I lean more toward the sweets, breads, and spicy foods so far-although I sometimes get a hankerin for a steak or sushi.
Support:
Adeline- We lived across the river from Louisville, KY. All I had was Eric and he worked most the time so I felt very alone. Not near friends or family and it depressed me. But that was back when I depended on others for my happiness.
ZoraJane- Adeline and Josh were big supports. But I also had a good friend who was pregnant, a few other friends, a good midwife, and family close by.
Fitz-pretty much the same as ZoraJane
Showers:
Of course I took showers although its a little harder right now with a 1yr old to look after...no I didn't have any showers. I had some family who were going to host one at my house after Zi was born. I gave them dates for when would be good but then got an email saying she forgot. I might throw myself a shower this time around august and even if no one shows up (besides April because she promised) I'll still have lots of food leftover to freeze.
Labor and Delivery:
Adeline- Wasn't very educated on the whole thing. I was the first of any of my friends and family to get pregnant-and after we moved I didn't make any other support for myself. Like most people even 10 years after the only knowledge came from the media and the common hospital/screaming/angry/drugged/horrible event that it portrays-and most people actually experience. I was so sick of being pregnant that I whined so much they agreed to induce me the following Monday but that didn't happen. As soon as I started having regular contractions we went to the hospital-where the contractions stopped. They kept me anyway. After contractions started again they eventually gave me something that made me sleepy. I cried everytime the nurses checked my dialation. I think they either induced me with drugs or broke my water. Its was violating and typical with nurses holding legs and telling me what to do and when to push and fake encouragement. It was so awesome to have her out of me though and I loved her.
ZoraJane-just read my post from April 2009. It wasn't a homebirth but it was a wonderful experience. Drug free, IV free, and violation free. I went into the hospital for testing of my blood pressure-which went down while there. As I was getting released my water broke. I lay on my side and had intense contractions while they re-checked me in (it was a new computer system so it took awhile). I tried laboring on my hands and knees on the bed. That didn't feel good so I stood beside my bed and squatted through contractions-my midwife camped out on the floor behind me along with a wonderful nurse who so awesomely stayed out of my way so that I didn't even know she was there til after it was done. Two 1/2 hours after my water broke I was nursing a baby.
Fitz-check back in a few months...
Post Partum:
Adeline- visited by E's family in the hospital. She slept either with me or in a clothes basket beside the bed. She cried the entire first night we were home and it made us very nervous and worried. My mom flew in a few days afterward. When Adeline was about 4 dys old we drove to Nashville, TN just because and walked around the Grand Ol Opry-nice indoor garden but I was feeling the pain (the one after birth where it feels like all my insides were going to fall out). I was nervous to leave the baby but E and I drove to Old Navy-we were gone about an hour or two and it totally freaked me out. She never did sleep in a crib simply because she wouldn't-not because I was taking a stand for co-sleeping. Breastfed for about 8 months. She never would take a pacifier and she cried a lot. But somehow we still bonded and we have an amazing bond that keeps growing.
ZoraJane- I wasn't going to allow anyone to visit me in the hospital because I didn't want it to be remembered in that environment-but I ended up letting my mom and gram visit. Of course Adeline too. I was so high on natural birth that I could barely sleep and just wanted to go home-I was so happy. The next day at home I made chicken salad while Josh, Adeline and Liz (who was in the area because of something Justin had going on in RC for guards) played wii. In the following months, other than my mom and gram a few times (and some of josh's family a couple times) I never had any visits (I'm working on letting those feelings of disappointment/irritation go) Enjoyed a very quiet baby-I don't think she figured out how to cry until a couple weeks later. Immediately started losing all the water weight and after 2wks I'd lost like 35 lbs. We did co-sleep because co-sleeping is best and provides the mama with the best rest. Still breastfeeding. Still bonding-Didn't leave her for more than a few minutes with anyone else until a couple weeks ago when I left her with Josh for about 3hrs. while I went to see a showing of The Business of Being Born.
Fitz-again check back in a few months...
Birthdates:
Adeline- 10/24/98
ZoraJane- 4/4/08
Fitz- will be sometime in September of 09
Were they planned and was I married:
Only Zi was planned-for two whole years! Yes I was married for all of them-I'll leave it up to whomever to figure out if it was a legal marriage or not.
How I found out and who I told:
Adeline-I was trying to get put on birth control. I had the exam at the IWU clinic that didn't have doctors and since it was the weekend one couldn't prescribe the pills. I got my period that weekend so I had to wait a month to try again. After the month I went into the clinic, they gave me a pee pregnancy test which came back fuzzy so they ordered a blood test which, suprise! came back positive. I cried-I wasn't ready to be a mom. I walked to E's work right away, crying the whole time, and told him. We went to the library and checked out what I now believe is the worst pregnancy book ever-What to Expect When You're Expecting
ZoraJane- After two years of trying and a couple miscarriages I knew before I conceived that that would be the month it would happen. With a little more knowledge about ovulation and the cycle I took a pee test and joy of joys it was positive. I didn't tell Adeline, but she was in the next room and when I came out she looked at me suspiciously and said, "You look different."
Fitz- Zi was 9 months, still breastfeeding and my periods were not regular. I'd been feeling a little icky for about a week so I bought a Preg test while I was getting groceries. Adeline was hanging out with our friends and I took it there to take the test. It was positive. So April, her daughter Madi and Adeline knew first. Afterward went to Kmart and asked Josh if he was ready to do this again-he wasn't suprised though.
Feelings about the pregnancy:
Adeline- Didn't want to be a mom. Didn't want to be domestic. But still in awe of the life growing inside. Toward the end though I just wanted her out of there so I could have my body back.
ZoraJane- I'd grown into motherhood and domesticity. I was ready for a new baby and a new life to enter our family unit. A little nervous about not getting the natural home birth experience that I wanted.
Fitz- Surprised. Not yet ready to be pregnant again or have another human to care for. But its growing on me. A little nervous about labor and what to do with Zi, but expecting as wonderful experience as with Zi.
Was abortion an option:
Adeline: Don't know if it was a legal option in the state of IN at the time but it was a consideration-along with adoption. Even though I was married I really was scared to be a mom at that moment in time.
ZoraJane and Fitz-not really an issue for me this time.
Symptoms:
Adeline- About a week of yuckys in the evenings during the first trimester. My hips hurt when I vacuumed-wierd thing to remember. I was more creative. I couldn't sleep much at night but slept too much during the day. Like 70lb. weight gain. At the way end high blood pressure and extreme swelling.
ZoraJane-Very hungry at first. Then very yucky and fatigued all day every day for about 3-4 months-I called it chinese water torture. After that I felt lots of stretching of my uterus and tendons and muscles. At the way end again with the high blood pressure and extreme swelling. Only about 30lb. weight gain. Snoring started ??? and that's when Josh started sleeping in the basement and didn't show up in our bed til she was a few months old. But Adeline didn't mind the snoring-she started sleeping with me when he didn't so I wasn't totally lonely.
Fitz- hungry, then nausea and fatigue but not as bad or as long with ZoraJane. I didn't start to show until about 18 wks (I'm now 20wks). And I don't feel any stretching or other physical symptoms.
Cravings:
Adeline- I cliked ketchup for the first time in my life. I ate lots of pasta but don't remember if that was a craving or just what we could afford. I craved McDonald's fry's. I became disgusted by Americanized Chinese food.
ZoraJane- At first it was very specific and always different. Then I hated food of any kind except maybe occasionally muffins and pumpkin loaf with milk. Cheerios. Didn't like Subway or the smell of it.
Fitz- Again with the specifics though at first it was lots of milk and carbs. I ate Rice chex for practically every meal for awhile. Again with the bready things during the yuks. I lean more toward the sweets, breads, and spicy foods so far-although I sometimes get a hankerin for a steak or sushi.
Support:
Adeline- We lived across the river from Louisville, KY. All I had was Eric and he worked most the time so I felt very alone. Not near friends or family and it depressed me. But that was back when I depended on others for my happiness.
ZoraJane- Adeline and Josh were big supports. But I also had a good friend who was pregnant, a few other friends, a good midwife, and family close by.
Fitz-pretty much the same as ZoraJane
Showers:
Of course I took showers although its a little harder right now with a 1yr old to look after...no I didn't have any showers. I had some family who were going to host one at my house after Zi was born. I gave them dates for when would be good but then got an email saying she forgot. I might throw myself a shower this time around august and even if no one shows up (besides April because she promised) I'll still have lots of food leftover to freeze.
Labor and Delivery:
Adeline- Wasn't very educated on the whole thing. I was the first of any of my friends and family to get pregnant-and after we moved I didn't make any other support for myself. Like most people even 10 years after the only knowledge came from the media and the common hospital/screaming/angry/drugged/horrible event that it portrays-and most people actually experience. I was so sick of being pregnant that I whined so much they agreed to induce me the following Monday but that didn't happen. As soon as I started having regular contractions we went to the hospital-where the contractions stopped. They kept me anyway. After contractions started again they eventually gave me something that made me sleepy. I cried everytime the nurses checked my dialation. I think they either induced me with drugs or broke my water. Its was violating and typical with nurses holding legs and telling me what to do and when to push and fake encouragement. It was so awesome to have her out of me though and I loved her.
ZoraJane-just read my post from April 2009. It wasn't a homebirth but it was a wonderful experience. Drug free, IV free, and violation free. I went into the hospital for testing of my blood pressure-which went down while there. As I was getting released my water broke. I lay on my side and had intense contractions while they re-checked me in (it was a new computer system so it took awhile). I tried laboring on my hands and knees on the bed. That didn't feel good so I stood beside my bed and squatted through contractions-my midwife camped out on the floor behind me along with a wonderful nurse who so awesomely stayed out of my way so that I didn't even know she was there til after it was done. Two 1/2 hours after my water broke I was nursing a baby.
Fitz-check back in a few months...
Post Partum:
Adeline- visited by E's family in the hospital. She slept either with me or in a clothes basket beside the bed. She cried the entire first night we were home and it made us very nervous and worried. My mom flew in a few days afterward. When Adeline was about 4 dys old we drove to Nashville, TN just because and walked around the Grand Ol Opry-nice indoor garden but I was feeling the pain (the one after birth where it feels like all my insides were going to fall out). I was nervous to leave the baby but E and I drove to Old Navy-we were gone about an hour or two and it totally freaked me out. She never did sleep in a crib simply because she wouldn't-not because I was taking a stand for co-sleeping. Breastfed for about 8 months. She never would take a pacifier and she cried a lot. But somehow we still bonded and we have an amazing bond that keeps growing.
ZoraJane- I wasn't going to allow anyone to visit me in the hospital because I didn't want it to be remembered in that environment-but I ended up letting my mom and gram visit. Of course Adeline too. I was so high on natural birth that I could barely sleep and just wanted to go home-I was so happy. The next day at home I made chicken salad while Josh, Adeline and Liz (who was in the area because of something Justin had going on in RC for guards) played wii. In the following months, other than my mom and gram a few times (and some of josh's family a couple times) I never had any visits (I'm working on letting those feelings of disappointment/irritation go) Enjoyed a very quiet baby-I don't think she figured out how to cry until a couple weeks later. Immediately started losing all the water weight and after 2wks I'd lost like 35 lbs. We did co-sleep because co-sleeping is best and provides the mama with the best rest. Still breastfeeding. Still bonding-Didn't leave her for more than a few minutes with anyone else until a couple weeks ago when I left her with Josh for about 3hrs. while I went to see a showing of The Business of Being Born.
Fitz-again check back in a few months...
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